well its been long since i have scribbled something in here...

well went for a movie today "jaane tu ya jaane na"... i guess that's the name of the movie...shit yaar i am bad with names... the movie was cute somewhere i cud relate to hemant ignoring us like jai did in the movie, well but no love story budding here.. just that leaving having lost a friend a bachpan ka dost yaar.. well as for the special person goes god know where on earth is he.. have i met and lost the person or i know and still dont know that guy... i always thought my ex was the guy the "special guy" somewhere after all that happened and all that's happening i still feel the same but honestly the guy am with right now he really is special but i dont feel that special feeling with him i wish we had been friends best friends than being in a relationship, it screwed it really... i cheated on me i lied to him and i feel so guilty about it... i am sorry..

i love my family yaar but i am loosing it on them too, somewhere i am trying to hate my sister but i know i need her more than anything else but she just inst there, she isnt, she is so busy with her plans to go to UK that i have completely disappeared into the background. i wish i am wrong yaar...

i swear i can at this point of time give a hand an eye and a leg for some peace for some "shanti" as they put it, i want to be contented like i was a few years back i really was things just got screwed a bit out of hand.

But this movie made me laugh made me cry made me remember good times and gave me hope that yes things gonna be okie babes... by the way had a good day over all just that the end evening got screwed, that's why i really think i shld not have gone ahead to name a relationship i wish we had been friends, cause i really think and i believe it now that beings friends is the only way any relation works cause that's the only relation where u dont expect....

subho bijoya

Shubho Bijoya everybody.
May Devi Durga shower Her choicest blessings on you and crown you with success in all your endeavours.

As they say we wait for things and it just comes and goes in a jiffy even b4 we realize its come and gone.

16th oct was the start of durga puja.. i love the festival, the dhak sound played by the dhakis its do peaceful, the pradip, the 108 pradips of sandhi puja, the bengali females in their red and white sarees, the bhog , the anjali... the puja bharam at night, the chops, the rolls, the mocha chop etc... ever thing around is so bengalish.. wish puja lasted forever

The entire year we wait thinking puja around the corner it came and went past.. its been 2 days since dassera. i mean time just flies by..

the entire time from 16th to 21st seems hazed busy and contented.

The funny part is that mom almost got me hooked with a guy whom i worked with at the pandal.

bijoya the 20 days b4 Diwali is the the days when we bow to our elders and greet the ones' who are younger.. they say its culture but i think it was more about bonding with family and friends. these 5 days that i spent at the pandal one thing i could see in abundance is the bonding between ppl so what if its just for about 5 days because we see each other at the pandal but at least there is hope that we are bonding. i saw a lot of youngsters who were like "man i am so much of out of this place" , honestly even i went through that phase where i felt awfully out of place but today when i look back i think we need to actually go through it to realize who we are and where we belong.

the entire year u hardly do anything remotlt related to ur culture, mind u i am not promitng religion or culture just the fact that it feels good to know where u belong. there have been times when i have thought its all crap but its not. i think i can never give up in being a bengali and nor sholud anyone for that matter give up anything that they are.

anyways just wishing everyone subho bijoya...

gotta go now.. gym is the place to hit now, i am trying to loose 4 kgs b4 this diwali.. wish me luck...

subho bijaya…pujor kota din jeno sobsomoy chokher samne bhase…tai to boli dhankurakur dhaker tale asche bochor abar hobe

eascpe
escape is wat i seek and wat i want.
everything just seems to claim that i am the reason for all wrongs..
ppl say hurt heals with time, you must seek new things to get over the old.. but why is it not working for me..
why do i still fell tha pian, why do things still hurt me.
i am such a looser. i hurt ppl who love cause i cant get over the hurt i went through and thats why i dont feel the hurt i am doing to ppl.
i dont mean harm but i become the biggest reason or the biggest harm ppl have to face.
i love my friends to death but i cause them life like death if not death. am i curse for the ppl who me. or is it just that i plain big looser.