well for starters had a roller coaster ride since last week... things that i left far behind are right in front of my face and i cannot shrug it off, i wanna move ahead but its pulling me back.... a lot of screwed past remains and closing my eyes on it is not helping me anymore, i wonder what do i do to get it right, i could not get it right then and i guess now i just have no way to correct it now....
i have taken a lot of stuff and ppl for granted and in a way i got so used to it that i stopped feeling their feeling, today when i look back i see how much pain i have caused them and i should be there for them at their beck and call but hopelessly i just dont feel like doing it within an hour of realising it... have i really turned all that heartless or is it just that i dont care a damn now, i dont know what it is but whatever it is it sucks, i was not supposed to be like this, this is not what i am....
today what makes me or gives me high is something that has no future no name just time based fun and i am letting go of a lifetime security, am i going the right way, i wonder whats in store for me...
heard a lot of ppl say that when u dont know where to go and what to do just leave it in the hands of the lord, i am trying that but how do i know that this is the path shown to me by the lord i mean how do i get the signal ??????????
i need it fast, 27th is coming so fast like a car without brakes running on the highway i need so do something, i cant let go of this nameless shameless things nor can i hurt the possibility of an entire lifetime of someone who will back me be whatever it is and all that person needs is me being there, and i dont want to be there..... god help...
i wanna be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... wat is freedom yaar i wish i knew the definition, i dont know .......
anyways last night siddhart gave us a treat for his new car, beautiful swift.. i kinda knew it that mom will say that he is nice and all, i agree he is nice and he is kind of a guy that mom dad wud love but the fact is that i don't know what i want and what i want to do.... god i wish i had some vision some way i knew somehow what is to be done and in what way without really hurting ppl.......
i know you cant really be good to everyone but bloody my problem is that i am being bad to only one person................ i wish i had some answers some solution, maybe they say it right that when u have no answers leave it to the lord... toh thik hai i need a signal and i hope i am able to read it...
god bless take care... :)
No comments:
Post a Comment