HaPpY NeW YeAr !!!!!!

Its the time of the year....

....when all of us have happily discarded the old calendars and put up new brighter ones.

....when we look back at the past year and evaluate it in terms of losses and gains, we also plan for the year ahead with lots of kept unkept resolutions lots of hopes, new dreams, aims and goals.

Yes the year 2009 has ended and we have already stepped into 2010.

Just as every passing year has some significance attached to it, this one has been significant for me.

When I look back and see that I've made it through various ups and downs this year, I feel proud and blessed for having your best wishes and prayers all through by my side.

And hence on the first day of the year I take the opportunity to THANK each and every one of my family and friends(virtual friends too :) ) for all the support you have extended and made me smile through the hardships. I’d like you to know, it means a lot to me.

On that note.. here’s wishing you and your loved ones prosperity,good health,wealth happiness and abundant blessings.

May 2010 bring with it all the wonderful things you hoped for…

Happy New Year !!!!!

Tomorrow i am off to a small vacation................
A vacation i badly need... a vacation to a place where no network you can access.. trust me there is a place where u cant access network and that too within 2 hours from the city of BOMBAY.. !! Amazing aint it.. !!!

Aint it something we all would love to be at i mean far away from the maddening crowd, the local train, the bus rides, the heat..everything..... U know here when we look out of the office glass ( we spend most of the time there ) all we see is buildings, industries but hardly any birds and ya we hardly hear the birds chirp these days...
i remember when i was in school right outside my window there used to be this golmohar tree and it had so many sparrows and at times these little fellows used to come inside the room... i used to call them "chiddimai" :) (how stupid) but now no chiddimai's at all.. they seem to have disappeared completely.... but guess what the place i am heading for has loads of them...

U know the best part about this place is the house, it a thatched roof house, with this gobar lipa hua floor and hence colddddddddd when this khatiya outside on the veranda with a beautiful mountain view... wat else would u ask for !!

i have been there like 50 times already but everytime i go there i discover something new, last time i went trekking on the mountain and saw these beautiful birds and flowers.. i wonder wats in store this time....



Its almost the end of the week... and i cant wait for mornng tomorrow....
more when i am back...................... :)

!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am confused !! i am feeling like shit, i am feeling used.. but i know its not true, but then if thats not true where is he heading tonight and with whom and for what ??
But then i only said do whatever u wish to but come back home.. i only said that now now why am i feeling like this..
Am i not good enough anymore have i got boring.. i am scared i will loose him.. i do everything just because i want him to be happy but by him doing all this its hurting me.. why did i give someone so much space that it gave them the right to hurt me.. i did want to feel the special thing again.. i tried to be with ppl who feel for me but tat was not my place and here i am facing the fucking situation again the same thing happening again i am clueless in life again..
Honestly i wish to be dead cause everything is killing me and also for the fact that i don't have the courage inside me to face the reality.. i cant really do without him.. my hands go to the phone to call him but i should not cause i am trapping him thats what he felt. he also thought i might try to screw his life... how can i when i really wish to spend my life with him how can i think about screwing his life...
He says on phone to his frnd dont tell her i am going there..why not as if i have the rights to stop him..i dont.. Am at work and i swear i cant concentrate i am not able to leave my personal and professional life aside..i chocked my own life..i swaer when it started off it was special and i never in my worst dreams thought i would come to this point. Never did i think i will feel so cheap so used and so unwanted. Does he not feel the same. Does he ever think about me.. Does he ever feel what i feel about him.. The answers are NO and i need to come out of dreams and be back to reality..
But i love him and thats something which i cant throw away.. i promise never again will i ever feel anything about anyone.. it happened once and i made the mistake of making it happen again.. i cheated on myself.. i screwed me.. well i guess i deserve this..
just that i hope someday he feels the way i do and i hope its not late..

life up in smoke..............

As the ciggie burns in my hand i can see my life burning away like that....why am i cramping hi life.. he was supposed to be my best buddy my soul my mirror my reflection why am i asking him to become me....
i know what i am doing i know why i am doing this but honestly i have no control on myself...i cant bear this dirty mind of mine.. i am cribbing like a child to make him be with me but i also know this will make him hate me make him go away...but i cant bear it re.. i cant think straight i cant be normal.. that day i really wished he stayed back i really wished... i needed him i still do but i need to accept that he has a life he has a way of living and i really am bloody no body to make him live the way i want..
i am so insecure about him going away...i wish i had never meet him...but u know what he is my angel and i cant screw his life like this..sometimes i think i shld go away work some other place and maybe that's my solution but if i do this he will be hurt...not maybe i know for sure i will hurt him.. u know i sometimes think infact i know i love him.. i wish to be with him all my life and sometimes i think i shld ask him or at least tell him but i know if i do and he cant reciprocate the same he will feel really bad cause he might think i do this i do that and he aint able to do this for me.. i dont want him to feel guilty about anything anything t all.. i love him more all this... i am sorry...
mujhe nai pata wats in store for us...mujhe nai pata.. i think maine jo kiya hai uska result hai but the fact is i am sorry and i really mean it that i am honest when it comes to dv i cant screw his life.. i need to get away.. today u know what i smsed him smsed him and actually made him agree to come here.. how cud i.. u know what he smsed he will be there in good time and bad... fuck what am i.. some peice of shit... i need to control myself... god help me... as the cigiee burns i dont want to fade away.. somewhere i really wish that we be together but not by screwing his life i want him to be there only if he wants to...

i cn burn but i dnt want to fade away from him....

love u.. i really do...............................................

angel

as they say when u really wish something it happens, i wish he came and he did...... my angel....... my frnd........my bump chum...... my sweetheart......... he is right here in front of me sleeping his ass off.. :D
had a wonderful day today.went out ate the most awesome food totally veg but still i loved it... i so wish i can do it all my life.. i so wish i was associated with him all my life/........

all i wanna say i love u my angel and i really wish u felt the same.....i love u ass......

shld go now agar uth gaya na toh meri toh... :P

love u d. !!!!

5 days to go............

5 days to go...
5 days of being under the same roof for 9 hours, 5 days of saying "can i drop u home??" , 5 days of feeling of being there just a call away in the real sense.... its gonna be over...

How am i feeling ?? i really don't know its kinda botched up i am sad i am frustrated i am feeling lost but yet i am happy i am happy to see the person getting out of this mess and i am happy that the person will be better avenues rather than this blood sucking place... but is my being happy gonna be able to overcome my feeling of this emptiness, i really don't know..

U know in life there are times when we really don't know why is this happening whether the outcome is gonna be in our favor or not but that's the beautiful thing about this mystery not knowing whats in store... Yesterday i saw this movie and there was this situation where the guy is returning back home and when he was thrown out he came to stay with this girl, she hates some of his habits the way he screws up the house, but she always stood by him, got him his job, and he in turn learns to make eggs for her, and at last when his father realizes that he is doing good he calls him back home and loo the guy is on his way back home... not realizing that she is gonna be alone now, not realizing that she does not want him to leave, cause he does not understand what she feels for him..... somewhere i feel the same i feel he is leaving my house and i don't want him to go but he needs to but atleast i hope he does not forget me i hope we can still make it......

Situations are scray i am scraed about things on one side and feels something spl on the other i just hope ma u be with me and help me sail through... Please be with me always...

and hey u boy, have a wonderful life beyond this smelly shity place but dont forget the ppl u lived with dont forget me.........

love u

helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

wats bloody wrong with me boss.. why am i behaving like a 1st std kid.. mujhe kya pagal kutte ne kaata hai kya.. mujhe kuch samjh nahi aa raha hai..
why the hell expectations yaar.. u know it screws up things mai kyu kar rahi hu yeh sab...

god wats it with me, last 3 - 4 days have been orst boss, i cant handle this, i hate this unseen this not sure feelings. i like being sure yaar.. yeh kya ho raha hai...

i mean this gal who i havent even seen dont have any slightest idea of why am i getting hyper about her, mai kyu insecure ho rahi hu yaar...

there was nothing in the first place to be insecure about cause there is nothing brewing why am i getting so possessive yaar, i dont have anyone to talk to about all this i am really gonna go crazy yaar...

he was never mine so why am i behaving as if he is mine why the fuck, i always said he is my best friend now why am i screwing up the relatioon.. mujhe kya ho raha hai yaar...

god i dont wanna feel like this pls get me out of this plsssss why am i being so insecure , he will be gone tomorrow no matter how hard i try no matter what i think then why am i feeling this today, please get me mind cleared out of all this pls god pls...............................

HaPpY BiRtHdAy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy happy happy birthday............... !!!!!!!!!!

well firstly from the bottom of my heart i wanna wish u a very eventful and a wonderful year ahead.... may all ur wishes come true.. and the smile on our face always remain and may happiness always touch, may god always have his loving care and blessing on you, forever forever and forever........ :)

The plan to celebrate your bday happened all of a sudden and at 10 we had it on our hands now the question was to whisk you away without hurting ur frnds and also with ur consent...

so as it happens my elements leave their hometown in the morning and i from work go to bday boys place and pick him p and go to mac d.. poor boy thinking why on earth has she come all the way from her place to this steel yard to have a burger worth 20 bucks spending 200 bucks on fuel.... :)

so after the burger and chips b boy starts asking wat is it, where are v heading etc so i am sorry my element i had to say half og it to him, i tell him u are coming with guptaji and then the 1st reaction is why are u doing this we might not njoy with him etc and stuff but then when you guys came the smile on his face was awesome he greets you and then walks to guptaji and say the boy talk hello :)

and then we go to his place pick his clothes and off to our destination...

honestly the car helped it really gave us company i swear with the slopes i really did not think we will make it with you oldie but thanks babes you helped us make it, i promise i will love you to death and maintain you...




we reached the hill top and then the gr8 search for a room and finally we got one, it was really beautiful...

it was about 6 when we reached, freshed up and went for a walk to echo point it looked so nice, i wish v could go to our fav place but koi nahi just to be there we will go again... :) clicked pics there and then walked back and the walk back was so serene, we actually had 2 packs befor we went for the walk :P

then we went to kumar for a hokka bloody mila nahi acha hi hua we then went to our room freshened and after bath we sat down for some dudh ki bottle :p

we went on and on and time just flew... and befor we knew it was almost 12 an then i went to the other room cake nikala and lit the candles and came to our room, you were surpirsed right bday boy :) and all high high the candles were blown and then came the ma of all tings the gift, the glasses that i brought by telling you i am buying it for dad ... :) so daddy dearest hope you loved your gift...

the night came and went by, the day eneded but the smile and the happy feeling that happened i hope it lasts forever for you, me and my elemts in tow... :p

then the next morning we came down, thanks my babes (car) she really took care of us and got us down then we went to college, sunday tha sun saan tha and had water just were i met my bestest frnd :D

showed our college and with proudness showed were we played.. :p alag baat hai we also lost a lot of times there :D

we also went to deshmukhs place wish we could stay there... but thats ok we had a wonderful time, met a wonderful person in guptaji and had a rocking group made... :d

just wanna say i hope this will last forever and we will always be there for each other and lastly may all your birthdays be better than the last always :d

love u....

i am sorry...

Please forgive me... i guess you said the truth i never felt the way you did for me... i am sorry.. i screwed it up but i swear i want peace and good things to happen to you always always. please trust me...
i am sorry

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........The road less travelled...

Today the day seems to be when u sit back and think, the day for retrospection kinda.... :)
cant belive i stuck around at work for 1 year 3 months and 16 days already... phew time just keeps running, in between these 471 days life took thrice the number of turns, all along i have won something, lost something, loved, hated, broke, attached all under one hat one sun...

Seems amazing at times as how time and life really waits for none, in this time i have loved ppl, hurt some ppl, broken some ppl, broke muself, gave away myself, just went the way that i felt i should and honestly the only thing i regeret is not being able to stand by the ppl ihave hurt, i wih i could go aback and change that maybe i would love to go back 5 years ago and chnage the root of it.... But as they saw spilt milk is wasted milk but i pray from the bottom of my heart that i want them to be happy, i swear i never wanted to screw them...




When i sit back i think i have moved far away from my brood as well, my sister went away to UK and today i dont really crib and cry about the fact that she aint here it has become a way of life now... i hope i adjust when she comes back... :) sorry baby..

the other day i was watching this serial " how i met ur mother " where the friend of the guy broke up his relationship cause she thought his flame did not pass the poarch test, i really found it so nice i mean she was married happy but she had the liberty to break her frnds relation cause she gave importance to them being togetehre when ther grow old and play cards on the poarch, how i wish hemant thought the same, but happens and thats why we have the chnace to sit back and think.....

Life moves on and so do we, we usually have 2 roads a road less travelled and a road often taken and its we who deceide to take the risk or not, i wud take tke the road less travelled atleast u have some stories for ur kids when u grow old... :)

ThE Gr8 HuMan MiNd !!!

why is it that people don't care when u don't leave any stone unturned to help them...

i guess that's what human beings all about... when u get something to keep asking for more without thinking how much are u sucking the other person and when it comes to your giving suddenly everything just dries up... seems really funny at times but i guess that's what it is all about...

i had never expected this from that someone from whom i even had a run up with my mom dad, i guess it was not worth it..

what hurts more is the fact that it being taken so casually that the attitude is what hurts.. mai kya karu is the question i mean what do i say after that...

anyways i guess its just not the day for me.. kya bakwaas likh rahi hu mujhe bhi nahi pata... i need a break man i really need a break.............

April Fool's Day.... :)

April fools day and i have already been made a fool today :) infact last night.... Dv got me this time bloody wat happened to me i have no clue when he said he is going back asap cause he needs to go to the OZ Land i was like as they say in Hindi..

Pair k neeche se zameen kisak gai

....

Today is rupa's birthday...wished her this morning.. how can i ever forget her bday.. i was made such a big fool 12 years ago... :)

sometimes when i sit back i really feel like laughing hard at myself i knew everything its just that i was keeping my eyes closed.... that itself qualifies me to be the fool on april fools day... :)

the biggest tamasha of fools is coming soom the gr8 general elections... yesterday when SC ruled out sanjay dutt from contesting he comes over to blame UPA for not letting him contest plus the gr8 Mr. Amar Singh goes on to carry out a full length press conference for the same.. i mean how can ppl think we are so stupids to fall for the trap, why should they let someone like sanjay dutt contest i mean what good has he done in his life.



I am not here to judge him on his life but for the fact that he had a troubled teens with his mom dying, then drugs and then jail and also the blast case he has seen it all, he must be a good human being not denying that but with the records of jail should he be contesting at all. I mean here we have all the fourums on the net in papers going out to try and make INDIA the corrupt free nation and all, no crimals for elections stand etc does Mr. Sanajy Dutt think he should even stand for elections have the Nov 26th attack, morally he should himself stand away...

The other day i was reading this report of how the kashmiri's have turned around, they admit that ppl like umar abdhulla have really brought about some kinda change in their always-being-bombed state, this is what a true leader stands for, he has been doing something , what have the rest done , what has the gr8 dame Miss. Mayavati done, what has sanjay dutt done and what has his elder brother [:)]

mere bade bhai

amar singh done other than being arm candy for amitabh sir the actor.



I hope someday these fools realise that when on 1st April ppl are made fool for the 1st time we become fools the 2 nd time we may become a fool again but the 3rd time we know wats coming and then we dont take it lying low, but yes there is a segment of ppl who no matter what no matter what day just keep making fools out of themselves and these dutt, mayavati , singh etc are at their best..... As they say

har kutte ka din aata hai

pata nahi kab koun vote karde and yeh jeet jaye....

:)

Happy April Fools Day...

trouble in pradise..... please dont blow it

trouble brewing..... not just simply trouble its deep trouble, it need to happen and happen soon as i am loosing my peace of mind and so is he..
He has been in an important meeting and its really very important for him and because of this he is loosing it and its affecting us.. He puts it very pyaar se but i know deep down its scaring him and because of this i cant afford to loose him, i cant...
Please just happen.......................................................

i beg of u............

Hmmm... Wondering wat to pen down.........

DEV D..... that's high on my mind right now, saw the movie fantastic movie, the take on modern day ppl the Y Generation.... i guess we all are somewhere down the heart a DEV D cause we just don't trust ppl.. or do we ??

Abhay deols character was so honest i mean i could relate to it...

dv seems to be so much like dev d.. i mean just like dev d was in love with paro even though he was with chanda who took care who stood by him who was someone he was so comfortable with he still talked at paro his love, does dv talk abt vids.. last night while watching the movie i felt nothing less than a whore even if he is comfortable with me he talks to me about anything under the sun, he thinks i am his best frnd but thats where it stops being frnds even if we have moved far ahead than being just frnds, i swear i felt like a whore.........

i am so much like chanda who loves dev inspite of knowing the fact that he might not love back to be honest i think i have fallen for dv and i love him but i know that fact that he does not, he happens to be with me spends time with m, says he loves me but we love our pet dogs too right.. but i know i am not that spl person and it honestly it breaks my heart,

As the saying goes it breaks your heart to see the person you love not happy with you but there is nothing more painful than not letting the person know what you feel him them, i know it and i want dv to know it but honestly i cant afford to loose his friendship i just cant, he is far too important to be lost for love i cant do it..

Does he really not know that i love him does he really not feel all the spl the way i try and make him feel, does he really not know how important he is to me , does he really not see how much i feel for him.......... i wish he could read between lines and somewhere my heart says he knows it but my brains he does not he cares a damn abt it but my heart says he cares and he knows everything just that he aint telling it, i hope my hearts right.... or maybe its gods way of punishing me for what i did to golu.... i am sorry.....

Dv if u ever realise waht i feel for u and if u dont feel the same pls dont stop talking to me pls... but i hope u feel the same too i swear i will go 8 sizes lesser than what i am soon i know say it but i aint putting any efforts but i swear will do something b4 your birthday you will i swear see a new me and i hope u love me.......................................

take care.. god bless... love u dv

iTs VaLtEnTiNe HoNeY !!!!!!!

well its lunch time...a lot of thoughts banging right through my brains, tomorrow morning i welcome back my parents, i missed them yaar but now i am really gonna miss him........... i lived life with him man, this is the 3rd time that i wanted mom dad to stay back a bit longer and all these 3 times have been him.... am i in love or am i in love with the idea of being with him, i dont know, but whatever it is its special.. its really really special... god i want this special things to be there forever man.. sometimes i think human beings especially me are very selfish, there is this person who says i will be there always dont say no give it a try but i dont feel anything for him am i so stone hearted, but just because i dont wanna hurt him should i stay with him but wat after that i will stray cause i dont wanna be there, am i so wrong if i say i dont wanna be with him i am sorry i cant be there.......

i feel so special with dv i know he does not think of it as a long term bond he is just being there cause he likes being with me but he also know i love being with him, we have our sweet share of fights, we have our share of eye talk its all so cute man..........



last 15 days have been bliss, we ate together, drank together , cooked together, slept together its was about us more than me or him...mornings have been hateful u know get up b4 him so that it makes him get up i mean its so silly but its so cute as well, pick up everything after dinner cause he is too tired to do it, so cute, sit with him while he makes him manual even if ur eyes are closing with dollops of sleep resting on ur lids, so cute... i just love everything about him...

asking in the morning in his language "samayam??" and me trying to think in sleep what is he telling me, so cute....

i am in love i guess but am i right being in love when someone is hurt because of me and honestly i dont wanna get in a relationship now but i wanna be with him, i mean we both like each other understand each other and dont pretend about anything itsnt that the basis of something very strong very pure very sacred very special...

just wanna say i had heard angels always surround us, sanjay has been my angel too but this time around i have been touched by an angel and it made me spacial......

ThAnKs Dv My AnGeL !!!! LoVe YoU.. MuAh...

CoNFuSeD To ThE CoRe... !!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh the month ended and what a month it had been.... i m so god damn confused.. whats wrong with me... i cant be a lovey dovey girl who sees stars in the day just by looking at him.... god just some chemical imbalance in the head i guess.. :)

anyways new year came and went by, the month ended it all happened so very quick yaar...

last night was some night man infact the night before too was rocking too i was so bloody drunk :) phew dont even remember much of it.. :P the stuff plus the hooka plus *$#%!&*( god lethal combination... :)

mom dad i miss u guys but kya karu yaar i am sorry too... but mom dad i really love u guys u are the best ppl who happned to me, love u... Rimpa yaar wish u were here i really miss you yaar... love u bacha...

the week that went by....

well for starters had a roller coaster ride since last week... things that i left far behind are right in front of my face and i cannot shrug it off, i wanna move ahead but its pulling me back.... a lot of screwed past remains and closing my eyes on it is not helping me anymore, i wonder what do i do to get it right, i could not get it right then and i guess now i just have no way to correct it now....

i have taken a lot of stuff and ppl for granted and in a way i got so used to it that i stopped feeling their feeling, today when i look back i see how much pain i have caused them and i should be there for them at their beck and call but hopelessly i just dont feel like doing it within an hour of realising it... have i really turned all that heartless or is it just that i dont care a damn now, i dont know what it is but whatever it is it sucks, i was not supposed to be like this, this is not what i am....

today what makes me or gives me high is something that has no future no name just time based fun and i am letting go of a lifetime security, am i going the right way, i wonder whats in store for me...

heard a lot of ppl say that when u dont know where to go and what to do just leave it in the hands of the lord, i am trying that but how do i know that this is the path shown to me by the lord i mean how do i get the signal ??????????

i need it fast, 27th is coming so fast like a car without brakes running on the highway i need so do something, i cant let go of this nameless shameless things nor can i hurt the possibility of an entire lifetime of someone who will back me be whatever it is and all that person needs is me being there, and i dont want to be there..... god help...

i wanna be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... wat is freedom yaar i wish i knew the definition, i dont know .......

anyways last night siddhart gave us a treat for his new car, beautiful swift.. i kinda knew it that mom will say that he is nice and all, i agree he is nice and he is kind of a guy that mom dad wud love but the fact is that i don't know what i want and what i want to do.... god i wish i had some vision some way i knew somehow what is to be done and in what way without really hurting ppl.......

i know you cant really be good to everyone but bloody my problem is that i am being bad to only one person................ i wish i had some answers some solution, maybe they say it right that when u have no answers leave it to the lord... toh thik hai i need a signal and i hope i am able to read it...

god bless take care... :)

Life, relations and people.........

well just as the title says, i am a bot confused about everything, i mean we say ppl make our life spl and so do relationships but how is it that these so important aspects life and relations depends upon a fragile thing that is people....... how is it that the buildings that make us depends on such a weak base called people... people change and that changes everything.......

i wonder how do feeling change for a person within a span of time.. it happened to me and honesltly i dont know why.. is it that we never really felt that but we made yourselves feel that yes we feel this and once the initial euphoria goes away we get to see the real picture, or is it that over the period of time if thinhs dont go well our feeling do really really chnage.... wat is it??

few days back i heard someone telling me that we should only ask of little "sukh" he compared it to you know loan, the more loan we take the more interest we pay, so take less loan pay less interest... i mean who will decide the amount of sukh being less or more what if for me 10 kgs of sukh is too small and for someone 1 kg of sukh is too big, who will decide how much is litle or how much is more... will we ever find answers to these questions??


feelings, wants, expectations these are things that differ from person to person so how is it that a monk is happy with any wants or expectations and a person who has it all is still not satisfied... wats is it that we want from life...

a frnd of mine a very spl frnd knows what he wants ppl will think he is confused he will talk about change in everything he has and wants and ppl will think he does not know what he wants but i know he knows what he wants and he knows who he needs to go about getting it done leaving everyone around him confused....my aim in talking about him is that why cant i know what i want i mean when will i stop being confused...

i guess confusion tab hoti hai jab you want lots of things or maybe when u want to have the cke and eat it too.... like now i want the frndship and i want the person too... its creates hell in the brains, chemical locha u see..

talking abt stuff toh i dont know i see a lot of change in someone and i dont know what do i do about it, i mean i maybe i am responsible for it pata nahi wat is it, its not the same, hope this new year brings about good things yaar... and also i hope new year brings abt peace for someone whom i went on a rampage to hurt...

life i guess is all about new things and old things in balance the one who achives it goes on and they who dont get stuck, i wanna move with the goodness of life, hope everyone feels the same and then i guess the world will be better place....

and as for people i hope everyone takes the goodness then i guess the base remains strong which helps the relations and life to bear new fruits..............

2008................................2009

First Things First, happy new year, dont know how reads my crap but whoever does wish u a very happy new year..........

well start has been crappy already :) jo socha tha woh hua nahi and jo hua woh socha nahi...
to put the long story in short, it got messed up, i mean i got dv all the way from kgarh and he got no drink no food foolish of me that i could not make it smooth..

anyways feeling really bad sad and foolish about it...

lots to speculate and ponder about 2008... lots of downs and a few ups.. Completed a whole year in my office which i never thought i wud stick around for, sometimes i wonder what did i gain working here yes personal gains i agree but what else i mean all i do if i put it in hindi is "khursi garam" i mean i have not seen a site nor seen what actually happens at a site all i am doing is co ordination i guess someone not an engg too who sits here can get it done. an if we talk about money, baby i have no idea where on earth have i spent the 1 lac plus i dont know how muach i have earned has gone.. :) funny right even i am amused..

Anyway its been almost 3 and 1/2 months that rimpa has gone and it really seems like hell that she aint here i sleep alone at nights now, somehow its empty even if i try hard to mingle and mix , go home late, drink, dv everything but that bloody hollow feelings just keeps growing, come back rimpu, miss u yaar..

talking about downs toh ppl got hurt because of me, a lot of my decisions maybe they were wrong but i think it will prove right some years down the line, when u cant live with something for all ur life it makes no sense in carrying it. but i am sorry to have decided on my own without taking consensus.

another down was hemant, he really let the frndship down i mean how cud he, fine u got married no issues but when he knew there are problems he should have atleast made it a point to come down and meet, i guess he too must be thinking the same, lets see how 2009 and what 2009 brings to our frndship.

well this year ipsita called brought back a lot of old memories, then came shilpa, and it killed me, cant belive the man i was with for a long time i never knew him funny na... anyways he too must have had a shocker when he got to know that i was involved too....to be honest i really did not want all this to happen to him i mean his life he wants it he takes it his way, had i been in ipsita's place i wud have maybe not called me cause after she spoke to his parents i wud have stopped. anyways to each his own......

hmmm lots of things happening which i dont know about which i dont know why and wat will happen, i am just walking the path somewhere i know i am gonna have a big fall maybe i wont be able to handle it but still i am walking the path, as they say when u have to choose between 2 paths choose the one where u havent walked before i choose it a nameless a faceless path wonder will will i end up...... hope it ends in a positive manner but to be honest not really epecting anything i mean its the expectations that screw things up......

anyways hope this new years brings about positive vibes in everyones life hope it makes a brighter year for everyone, and yes hope the nameless faceless situtations turns into something for better for worst st least something.............

:) :)